Canadian Top Ten Lists
from The Late Show with David Letterman

Canada has been the topic of several of Dave's Top Ten lists, and what else can I say but here they are.

Top Ten ...

&  Canada in Other Top Ten Lists

Find more Canadian Connections in other TV shows at The Canadian Connection.

From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska,
it's the Top Ten List for April 9, 1997

Top Ten Canadian Complaints About Americans

10. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel
9. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will
8. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling
7. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"
6. In American encyclopedias, Canada often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor"
5. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot
4. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan
3. Two words: "Weird Al"
2. Sick of that gap-toothed loser on "The Late Show with Paul Shaffer"
1. Not enough guys named "Gordie"

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From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska,
it's the Top Ten List for April 9, 1997

Top Ten Canadian Complaints About U.S. TV Shows

10. Whenever they show Niagara Falls, always "happens" to be on U.S. side
9. Not enough exciting canoe chases
8. No Monday night curling
7. Just when we get hooked on "Dweebs" -- poof! It's gone
6. One too many award shows hosted by David Letterman
5. It's really hard to play along with "Jeopardy!" after you've drunk a couple dozen Molsons
4. Not a single Canadian featured in O.J. trial
3. E.R. never about frostbite
2. During "Cheers" reruns, real beer should pour out of the TV
1. Too much Dave, not enough Paul

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From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska,
it's the Top Ten List for November 7, 1997

Top Ten Reasons Alex Trebek Became a U.S. Citizen

10. Dying to show off how much he knows at the citizenship exam.
9. For 10th year in a row, lost Sexiest Canadian Alive to that bastard Alan Thicke.
8. Became interested after playing U.S. Citizenship: the Home Game.
7. Risked everything to flee Canada's crushing Communist regime.
6. What is...American tail?
5. Finally admitted to himself he's just not that interested in hockey.
4. Canadian bacon -- neither crispy nor delicious; American bacon -- crispy and very delicious.
3. After you're sworn in as citizen, you get a free USA totebag.
2. Got into a little Jeopardy with a stripper in Toronto.
1. I'll take "Who gives a crap?" for a thousand.

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From the Home Office in Grand Rapids, Michigan, it's the Top Ten List for October 30, 1995

Top Ten Possible Names For Quebec If It Secedes

10. Le Grand Faux Pas
9. Lorne Greenland
8. Rand McNally's Worst Nightmare
7. Sparky
6. International House of Pancakes
5. The Monkey On Maine's Back
4. Frenchylvania
3. Canada 90210
2. Parlez-Vousland
1. Funkytown

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From the Home Office in Sioux City, Iowa,
it's the Top Ten List for October 25, 1993

Top Ten Reasons Canada Keeps Beating Us in the World Series

10. French baseball chatter very disorienting
9. U.S. players get sleepy standing through two national anthems.
8. Special enzyme in Canadian bacon that turns players into game-winning zombies
7. American teams discouraged by Clinton's new RBI tax
6. All our secret plays are being funneled to them by that weasel Paul Shaffer.
5. Exchange rate makes Canadian runs worth more.
4. Stirring pre-game talks, which always end with "win one for Lorne Greene".
3. They don't bother to use actual Canadians.
2. Let's face it--we're a bunch of "Hosers."
1. Those damn mountie umpires

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From the Home Office in Sioux City, Iowa,
it's the Top Ten List for November 18, 1993

Top Ten NAFTA Provisions

10. Canadians can borrow your car anytime they want.
9. Mexican workers still get $1.25 an hour, but will also get a complimentary pair of NAFTA slacks.
8. Like it or not, Bob Dylan has to do at least one Letterman show.
7. Instead of airbags, Mexican built Chevrolets will have pinata.
6. Al Gore must drink a shot of Cuervo every hour.
5. When visiting Mexico and Canada, Americans are free to shoplift as much as they can carry.
4. President Clinton has to split time between McDonald's and Taco Bell.
3. Every talk show gets a "coffee mountie."
2. Deportation of Lorena Bobbitt to Guadalajara
1. Pesos now "Clintos"

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From my home office here in Canada, here is Canada in other Top Ten lists,

Canada in Other Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Reasons Puerto Rico Does Not Want to Become a State
7. U.S. teams keep getting ass kicked by Canadian teams in World Series

Top Ten Things Overheard During Washington, D.C. Jeopardy
3. Mr. Gingrich, you won't win any points by calling me a 'Commie Canadian bastard.'

Top Ten Ways President Clinton's Injury Has Changed His Life
6. While doped up on painkillers, called Peter Jennings a "fruity Canadian bastard"

Top Ten Ways Country Would Be Different if a College Student Were President
North Dakota sold to Canada for a few cases of Molson.

Top Ten Japanese Nicknames for Americans
Canada's gay neighbor to the South.

Top Ten Rejected 'Jeopardy' Categories
Canadian Sex Secrets

Top Ten Side Effects of the New Impotence Drug
May cause hair loss in Canadians.

Top Ten Ways to Make Hockey More Exciting
Canadians must play in bare feet

Top Ten Reasons The United States is The Best Country on The Face of The Earth
Jeopardy's host: Canadian. Nine out of 10 winners on Jeopardy: American.

Top Ten Other ways CBS can spend 4 billion dollars
Obtain rights to broadcast Canadian Football League for the next three thousand years.

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The Canadian Connection

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